Thursday, April 26, 2007

Bloggedy boo! And a myriad of random thoughts...

Okay, haven't blogged in ages. Yeah, I'm a bad girl, but who reads this shit anyway?! Well here are some exciting developments: I'm divorced! Hooray. That became official on April 18th. Note: the other party was not a bad person at all...we were just not the people for each other. He's making merry times with his own new Maid Maryanne. She seems cool and I'm very happy for him.

In other news...I'm starting a zine with my roommate Nicole. We don't have title yet, and it's going to be on a wide variety of subjects, so if you have something you would like to submit, let me know and we'll work it out. You can email me writings or suggestions to I would love to include a variety of subjects with original and creative writings on topics like political affairs (in and out of the bedroom, heh heh heh), art, music, skating, various recreation, knitting, recipes, poetry, comedy, etc. etc. etc. Please contribute. As long as you don't suck. 'Cause I don't want to have to tell you that you do. J/k.

School is kicking my ass, but it's almost over. It's because I enjoy and employ too much use of my free time for fun activities perhaps, but that's what life is for, n'est ce pas? It's almost over, for a month anyway. And then I'm going to party. Like it's 1999. All over again.

No more car! This is a recent development. My car is kaput. That happened in MO last Sunday while visiting some fine Joplin and surrounding area folks. I'm not going to cry about it. I'm just going to ride my bike and bum rides from people when I need them. The bike storage is the biggest problem so far...I live in a shoebox with three other people, and two of us are going to be riding our bikes all the time. Yikes. We tried to put some hooks in the ceiling, but I found out the hard way that this was not the greatest thing in the world for our ceiling (or at least in that spot) when my bike came crashing down around me this morning, breaking the mounting on both the headlight and the front basket I had just purchased. Boo. I'm not really that concerned about it. We'll find a solution. In the meantime, I'm hoping for clear skies and 70ish temps. Yowza.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007


This morning as I woke up to the vibration of my phone, I got to thinking about all the electronic devices around my bed/fort/nest. There is the phone, and my Lady-Comp, which tells me when I'm allowed to have condom free sex and still not make babies (Ladies and Gents I really hate putting those mofo hormones in my body). At the foot of the nest resides the record player that I got for 35 dollars from an old fella that Drew and I happened upon while out for blood. And record players. We went to his house to pick it up, and for a minute I thought he might club us over the heads and eat us. Who knows? Right?

Continuing on…there is a lamp, nothing special, gives me light. It lives in a bucket next to the bed. There is also a lava lamp, compliments of Andrew T. Beckham, but I don't often use it. That's equivalent to putting on the red light. Grrr. I don't need that sort of fancy atmosphere for your average am/pm j/o session with the bunny (also electronic and full of good vibes). Just some decent music on the record player. Finally, I have a vacuum at the top passenger side of the bed/nest/fort. It's not so I can clean up after guests or anything. I'm not that conscientious. It's a crucial element in the structure of the bed/nest/fort. That's all.

That's a quick tour of my electronica. You may visit if you like, but don't expect me to put on the lava lamp. I have fort tours daily at 3 pm. But there is an elementary school field trip tomorrow, so keep that in mind.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

FORTS FOR ADULTS...Start a revolution!

So, as some of you may know, I "built" (aka put together out of stuff I had lying around) a fort in my bedroom. I don't really have a bed, just a nest really, and this nest seemed bare and uneventful. One fine Saturday night, before Rubnic lived here, when it was just Beardsly and me, I decided to surprise Beardsly with the fort. As soon as Rubnic came over to hang, because (duh!) they were always here anyway, I swept Nico away to the bedroom to make some mischief happen. We started putting this thing together, and meanwhile Rubentheredonethat and Beardsly are chilling in the living room. Beardsly is sweating things a bit, because he thinks I am angry with him. Rubnic came over just as we were about to get it on -- the first time they're on time in, well, ever, go figure. Well, I wasn't mad. I was instead coaxing a surprise for all of us out of my imagination. This particular night happened to be about four days or so before Beardsly left for California. Punk. But I wanted to make the time special, and what time could be more special than time spent in a fort? If you want to see pics of fun times in the fort check pics
or you can check Beardslypics. If you're logged into a myspace account that is... I'm going to put some other pics up here, but blogger wasn't cooperating, so you will just have to wait. Hmph.
So don't say I never showed you anything cool...
On another, less personal, but more professional note...I want to be an adult play therapist. Yes, this is a real job. A technique I want to use is building forts. I want to teach human beings how to be human beings and not robots. Yes, this may be quixotic idealism, but it's my quixotic idealism, so put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

The Holligolightly of cats...MR. SEEDS

So he drinks all day and cats it up at night...We still love him. Tearing up shit. Shitting up shit, well, just the linoleum floor, but regardless, he's a rebellious adolescent and we don't know what to do with him.

Mr. Seeds has four vices: turkey, vodka, string, and cigarettes. We catch him stealing our booze and stealing cigarettes from the gas station down the street, and there's just no stopping him.

We find him passed out most mornings, or completely "crunk" as he calls it. Most of the time when we try out interventions we get ass-in-the-face-tail-jerk combos that are so disheartening. It's a cry for help, but we don't know how to handle him.

Here are his parents...trying desperately to try to break through to his delicate adolescent feline psyche. He's got mother issues, apparently. Maybe an Oedipus complex? I don't know.
"I'd like to hold those kids down and spray paint on them..." Yeah, not me, but one of Fayetteville's best and brightest in the local law enforcement made this comment today, as he was standing on his anti-graffiti soap box. Man, I'd like to give him a push.

Casually skating, actually being rather lazy gits about it, Rubnic (the solid unit for those that don't know) and I were doing exercising some sweet skills like "jesus skating" and just general whoodooery, when along came two little po-po. Or maybe it's po-pi in the plural form. I'm not sure. Either way, they strolled up, arrogance in each step and came to talk to us about the graffiti "problem" at the skate park. Okay, I don't have pics right now, because I didn't have my camera on me at the time, but they will come soon. 1. Most of the graffiti is pretty tame - - nothing sexual or violent. Yes, some profanity, but what the hell. They're words people, not bullets. 2. It's artwork and it's part of the skating culture. I don't understand jamming out to Wayne Newton or skeet shooting, but I don't tell them they're a blight on society for it. 3. It's contained within the skatepark, and no where else in the park. 4. The people that would be concerned about those evil adolescents and their spray paint will not ever be at the skatepark. Ever.

Did I make these points to the cops at hand? No. I was dressed like the unibomber and didn't think that would work in my favor. Oh, rest assured, folks. Sleep well. They told us that they can remove the graffiti, completely. They have a chemical that they will spray all over the skate park, then "hose down with water" and this should remove it all. Every last scrap of paint. I did make the comment that I thought that didn't sound very safe for the environment or the people using the skatepark after this "hosing down" and Cop #1 assured me it was totally "environmentally safe." Would he put it on his skin though? Hmmm. That won't wash away. Noxious gases and savory chemicals dripping into our ground, our water, etc. Protect and serve. Protect and serve. Think about the actual people who use this park, that aren't offended by the graffiti, that will be exposed to these chemicals. Think about the plant life around the park that will suffer by pulling these chemicals into their roots. Is it really worth it?

Monday, April 02, 2007

Fool for April Fools...
Ha ha. That time of year has come and gone when mischief and mayhem are encouraged. At least until Halloween comes around again...but here are the details of the dirty tricks I played on a few close to me.

1. Trick 1: Telling my roommates I was running away to California.

Here's how that went down...
Me: (with text) "I have to go. I need to be with drew. My heart is breaking without him. I'm leaving now. I'll pay the rent. Don't worry. I'll explain later.
About an hour went by before they responded. The response came in the form of NIcole calling and saying. "What's going on?" I launched into a tearful (crying to cover the laughter, my friends...try it) diatribe about how I just needed to go. I needed to see Drew, despite work or school or anything. She was worried, but also helpful, so at that point I knew the battle was half won. She told me she could send their half of the rent to Drew's house, and she wondered if I had an idea how to get there. When she asked me where I was, I blanked and said I had to pick some things up in Joplin first. She wished me luck, and I told her that I would call her a little while later with more details. I called about 15 minutes later and told her I was just messing with her. She was relieved. She said she would have worried until she got home and saw I was there. Everyone has their tolerance limits for dirty deeds. I didn't want to push the potential tolerance of the rubnic. I only just started living with them after all. I think I'll wait for Drew to get back and we can torture them dually.

2. Trick 2: Telling my not quite ex-husband (as of next Wed. people, so not far off) that I'm pregnant.

This also began in the form of text. He is a wonderfully nice fellow, and though he knew it couldn't possibly be his baby, he still seemed supportive. Here is the transcript:
Me: I'm pregnant
Ex: Are you sure. I know thats a dumb question
Me: Yes
Ex: How far along
Me: Month and a half I think
Ex: Is it drews
Me: Yes. There was no one else
Ex: Does he know
Me: Not yet. Should I keep it? I'm scared
Ex: At the store now. Call you later
Me: Please do. I don't know what to do.
I let this one go for about 15 more minutes as well, letting the point sink home. I don't know that it's easy to get a true response out of people through text, so the follow-up had to be with a phone call. I called and reminded Travis that it was April 1st. He was like, "Seriously? So are you messing with me now, or were you messing with me then." Man. I love it when they're so far gone into the joke they don't even see the obvious answer. I am a devilish lady for sure.

3. Trick 3: Telling my mom that I'm pregnant
Ok, let's give this one a little context. So, yeah, if you've read any other blog crap of mine you might have noticed that I left my husband on Jan. 1st for another man, who in turn was leaving his wife. Hmmm. We ran away. literally, for about a week, much to the abhorrence and rejection of our friends and my family. Soooo.... even though Drew is taking some time away to get things straight in CA, having his love child (or possibly the Viking twins Bing and Bong) in my belly adds an extra zing to the joke. My mom has no problem with Drew now, of course. That only lasted for about 2 weeks, and it was really more of an issue with me leaving "Sweet Trav." Well, here goes. I wish I had the transcript...
I called my dad's cell phone, because my mom never answers hers, and ask to talk to my mom. They're in Iowa, visiting relatives. I say, "Hi Mom. I'm pregnant." The call drops out. Whoops. I call back and ask her if she heard what I said. She hadn't. I repeat myself and get something like, "Oh, my god. Caaaaaas! Seriously?" I say yes. She asks whose it is. I say Drew's. At this point I can tell she's on the point of either panicky agitation or a little bit of excitement, but not wanting to be truly evil, because I've pulled this joke before (on mother's day 2005) and she really does want grandbabies (you can only cry wolf so many times), I gave it about 30 more seconds and told her I was kidding. She was relieved, and even laughed a bit. She was outside the house, so I told her to go inside and tell everyone else that I was pregnant and turn the joke on them. I'm still waiting for an update. I bet she got the giggles.